June 12, 2008

Something Might Be Wrong With Me

I can't believe I'm about to tell everyone about this... I'm kind of an idiot. My first clue was last week while getting gas. I've successfully pumped my own gas for quite some time now, never really had to think much about it, I like to spend the time cursing oil companies. So I swipe my card, get approved, pick up the nozzle, and try to choose my grade of gas. Problem starts here. I want Regular but only the Diesel is flashing. I hit the Regular button, oh about a thousand times, before I slam the nozzle back in and cancel the transaction. "Stupid damn pump, what the hell?!?!" I jump in the truck, speed to the next pump, swipe my card, get approved, pick up the nozzle, and here we go again. Now the few people I've told this to seem to have figured out what's happening. If you have it figured out, I don't want to hear it! Just picture me holding the nozzle, wildly slapping the Regular button, glaring at the flashing Diesel light, and muttering the most vile 4-letter word combos imaginable. I was beyond irritated. So I decide to push the Attendant Help button and ask what the sam-hell is going on.


Attendant - "Can I help you?"
Me - "Uh, yeah, I need Regular gas but the Diesel is flashing
and it won't let me choose anything else!
What's wrong with it?"
Attendant - after a short pause, "Ma'am, you're holding
the green Diesel nozzle, you have to use the black
nozzle to get anything but Diesel."
Me - "Oh, okay."


Alright, enough laughing. If you wanna hear incident #2, seriously, quit laughing, this one's good! Yesterday I called Barnes & Noble to see if they had a book in stock. They said they did so I went to pick it up this morning. I'm looking where I think it should be - Asher's wiggling around and squealing like a piglet in my arms and Aidan's running around screaming like a lunatic. I'm pretending not to know him and act like I'm looking around for his irresponsible mother. It's just a fun game I like to play sometimes. Anywhooo, finally someone asks if they can help and he goes to look up the book. Then he tells me they don't have it in stock. "Really, I called yesterday and they told me they had it here! Did somebody buy the last one?" He says maybe they looked and saw that we can get it but it's not been in stock here for quite some time. Fine, whatever, idiots, so I've driven all the way out here with these two mini-psychos and you don't have the book now? Great! It's only after I've gathered the spawn and stomped back to the truck that I realize I'm at Borders, not Barnes & Noble. Alright, enough laughing. Really, quit laughing at me!
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